Why Do Strong Men Struggle with Emotions? (Step-by-Step Guide on how to manage your emotions)
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Why do strong men fail at emotional control? (Step-by-Step Guide on how to manage your emotions) Your emotions are a language you were never taught. I am about to change that, and open up a world you didn't know existed. You want connection. You want control. You want to understand yourself. But you're navigating a world where your emotions are a liability, not an asset. Many people struggle with this problem, especially men, so if you are one of them here you can find answers to the questions below. Hi Reader, Today we are going to deep dive in:
What are emotions and why do we have them? Let's start with the foundations what are emotions? Emotions are complex responses that involve physiological changes, thoughts, and behaviors. Your emotions are your inner reactions to the outside world. Emotions serve two critical functions:
Every time you feel something—such as anger, sadness, guilt, or excitement—your body is sending you a signal. Ignoring these signals leads to confusion, frustration, and a lack of control over your own life. Understanding them, however, gives you power. There is no such thing as a ‘bad’ emotion. Every emotion happens for a reason. They are fast—arise before you have time to rationalize them. Why? Because they are designed to prime your body for action. For Example, when you feel anger, your body releases adrenaline, sharpens focus, and prepares you to respond to a threat. When you feel sadness, your body is prompting you to reflect and seek help, because you can't handle the situation by yourself. Each emotion has a purpose; you just need to learn to read the signs. What Drives Them? Have you ever wondered how our bodies decide which emotions to experience? Emotions don’t just happen randomly; they serve important purposes. But what exactly are they for? In essence, emotions provide us with vital information and motivation to act. They simply motivate us to do something. Consider this scenario: Imagine someone slaps you across the face. Your immediate reaction might be anger, which in turn motivates you to fight back. This motivation arises directly from your emotional response. It’s crucial to understand that a lack of motivation in life often points to an emotional issue. Another good example is that simply providing people with information does not create behavioral change. Imagine saying to someone that the risks of smoking lead to lung cancer— this rarely leads to behavioral change. Instead, consider a more impactful approach: -“Hey, you smoke? That’s so gross! Nobody would want to be around you if you keep this up!” This method taps into feelings of shame, which can be a powerful motivator for change. So, what’s the lesson here? Emotions are our friends! When you’re feeling uneasy or angry in certain situations, take a moment to explore those feelings. Ask yourself:
By diving deep into your emotions and understanding their roots, you can discover the motivations that will lead you to live the life you truly desire. Why Men Struggle to Express Their Emotions Many men find it hard to express their emotions. This is often because they are taught from a young age to ignore their feelings. Instead of talking about their emotions, they learn to focus on solving problems. For example, when a man feels sad or lonely, he might not reach out for support. Instead, he thinks, “How can I fix this?” This leads him to try making more friends, and concentrating on the outside situation rather than his internal feelings. Many men believe that talking about their emotions won’t help, so they focus on fixing their surroundings. Avoiding Vulnerability When someone makes them feel weak or ashamed, men might avoid that person, thinking the problem is solved. However, this doesn’t always work. Some issues can’t be fixed easily. Ignoring emotions can make men vulnerable. For instance, if a partner is disappointed, a man might feel shame and overcompensate in order to avoid facing that uncomfortable feeling. This happens because he hasn’t learned how to process emotions properly. Feelings aren’t the enemy but are meant to guide and protect you. Understanding this is crucial. Emotions can lead to real change! Instead of just fixing what’s around them, you should explore your feelings. Embracing emotions can help you build healthier relationships and lead a more fulfilling life. Validating Feelings Advice for Men: • Your feelings are valid. Don’t suppress them. • Communicate your feelings honestly and openly. Explain how actions make you feel without blaming others. • When you feel triggered, take a moment to process the emotion before reacting. • Don’t let the fear of seeming weak control your actions. Reacting impulsively only creates more problems. The Conditioning of Emotions So why can’t men express their emotions? They often turn feelings like sadness, frustration, guilt, anxiety, and shame into anger. Society teaches them that showing vulnerability is a weakness. For instance, if a boy cries after being bullied, he may face ridicule. But if he reacts with anger, he might gain respect. This system is flawed. Anger is often the go-to response because it’s seen as powerful. However, in society, anger is viewed negatively. When someone is angry, they are often judged harshly, and seen as the villain. This judgment limits their emotional range and creates serious issues. Losing Direction Men often feel lost because they can’t express vulnerability or anger. This leads to suppressing all emotions, which creates confusion and a lack of direction in life. One day, they might feel motivated; the next, they feel apathetic. Without understanding their emotions, they drift aimlessly. Emotional experiences shape our lives and identities. Think about the moments that define you. They are often tied to strong emotions—both the happiest and the worst times. You probably don’t remember mundane details, like what you had for lunch two years ago, but you remember the emotional moments that create your narrative. For instance, when someone says, “I’m a coffee person,” they are connecting the act of drinking coffee with the comforting feeling of morning routines. This emotional connection contributes to their identity. Recognizing and accepting emotions is essential for men. Instead of hiding from feelings, understanding them can lead to personal growth and better relationships. It’s time to embrace emotions as a part of life, allowing them to guide us toward meaningful change. What Is the Purpose of Each Emotion? Let’s break down the key emotions and their biological meanings: Anger: The purpose of this emotion is to protect our territory. Anger narrows our focus, prioritizing self-protection, and hinders our ability to empathize. It can also subconsciously suppress pain, leading to unhealthy coping mechanisms. We may then unconsciously manage this pain through various outlets, such as substance abuse, excessive video gaming, bullying, and other destructive behaviors. Sadness: This is a signal that says, “I need help!” It’s not just an internal feeling; it’s an SOS to others. Sadness arises when you just can't handle something on your own. Which is a signal to others that you need help. Confidence: The opposite of sadness just because the more you can do on your own the less sadness you will feel. Reminder: emotions are the motivators for action. All these emotions serve a function - it's a sign when you feel a particular way you need to take action toward the problem. Shame: Designed to induce societally corrective behavior. The purpose of shame is to motivate correct social behavior. We become sensitive to the opinions of others, and we feel panicked about making other people happy when we feel shame. Sometimes this causes a problem where we try to cover up the shame instead of fixing the problem that made us ashamed. The mind has two options when you feel shame:
And most of the time we end up with the easier option. That makes the problem never go away, and the shame becomes constant trouble. And we start living a life hiding from the world. My advice here: stop covering everything up, show yourself, and let people judge you until you fix the problem once and for all. Guilt: Guilt motivates internal corrective behavior. Guilt is an internal response that occurs when you feel you have violated your standards. Unlike shame, which focuses on how others perceive you, guilt motivates you to improve the situation and seek forgiveness. Guilt is a feeling that can be easily manipulated. However, when someone else induces guilt in you, it can lead you to act in ways that serve their interests. My advice is: be aware when someone is trying to manipulate you by inducing false guilt in you and to not let this feeling take power over your decisions. Men’s Emotional Experiences: Talking therapy is great but simply talking about your emotions won't solve your problems. What's truly helpful is when you discuss your emotions and allow yourself to fully feel and experience them in that moment. Being present with the emotion as you talk about it is what brings the change. Emotional activation is an important part of this therapy process. Here most of the man can talk about all their problems without expressing any emotions and that's why this talking therapy doesn't work for them. Knowing that, how can we help men to fix their emotions? Your Guide to Emotional Healing Navigating emotions can be challenging, but by adopting a structured approach, you can learn to manage them effectively. Here’s a practical guide to help you through this emotional process. Step 1: Embrace Truthfulness
Step 2: Name Your Emotions
Step 3: Connect with Your Body
1. Deep Breathing: Inhale deeply through your stomach, then exhale quickly through your nose, focusing on the emotion you want to release. Repeat this for 2-3 minutes. Notice how it helps calm your mind. 2. Shoulder Raises: Raise your arms above your head, take a deep breath in, and as you exhale, let your head drop forward. Feel the tension release from your body.
Step 4: Self-Reflection in the Mirror
Step 5: Consistent Practice • Routine: Make these exercises a part of your daily routine. Remember, emotional healing is not an overnight process—consistency is key! Final Thought Emotional healing requires time and effort, but by following these steps, you can begin to understand and manage your emotions more effectively. That's all for this week. Thank you for reading. See you next Friday. -Ekaterina If you find this useful, consider checking out Motivational Matrix. For those who struggle with procrastination or feeling stuck in life, this guide introduces a simple yet profound system for decoding your inner drive and aligning it with your core values.
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My name is Ekaterina, and together we will break down complex concepts into actionable steps that will enhance your mental health,relationships, career, and overall well-being.